the pool- but its black

 Boom, now we are with the team. All hell shall break loose.

But first, lets add checking out of a hotel early, not having a place to put our stuff, a very rainy day, and little sleep. There isn't much to do. So we drop off our stuff at Matt and Lucy's and walk around. Until we end up at the pier. I was mad from the night before and walked off in one direction, assuming Will would follow. He did not. I walked for about 10 minutes, periodically checking to see if he was where I left him, until I turned a corner and couldn't see him. As I headed back, I couldn't see him anywhere. I checked all around where we had been. Mind you, he doesn't have service, so I'm freaking out. Full tears, texting and calling him. Finally he shows up. and now we have to go see the FREAKING TEAM.

We go to the winter gardens to practice, then carry our luggage to our hotel. It was fine. I got my own bed. 

The next morning was my last walk alone in England :( (someone got assaulted on the street we were staying?!? so they said no walks alone) The English breakfast was wild. Beans were bland and I didn't like the fried bread, but the rest was fine!

We headed with the team to the blackpool tower, hung out there a bit, then played dino mini golf with some of the boys (here is where my possie formed). I hung out with Ty, Kyle, Parker, and Will (fun but I wanted to kms like 1 hr in) Later that afternoon we went to the aquarium which was actually very fun for what it offered. I talked a lot to Parker there. I do love aquariums, I could sit and watch the rays for hours.

Then I went and shopped with Sienna and Sais for a bit before they headed over to watch latin. Then I shopped some more with other friends, got a cute dress, and then we had to make hurried dinner plans (Nando's on the go) because an emergency meeting was called.

The coach spouted some stuff about us not being committed enough and we went to bed at around 2am.

This is when I began to get sick. I mean like, sore throat, very tired, shaky. Not great.

Wake up bright and early for latin. We went and rehearsed, came back for breakfast, and immediately did hair and make-up. They got me all dolled up even though I didn't compete, and then we did band call. It was fun to see the other teams dances, but we kinda knew we would win. Lunch/Dinner, and head over to the show. The team competed (they did a great job) and then we waited for results for about and hour. 

Drumroll please. We won! Took a ton of photos and finally went home to sleep and repeat.

As I watched latin medley leave the floor I had selfish thoughts. I was supposed to be out there. I wanted to feel the rush of the applause. I wanted to sweaty from pushing through a hard dance. I wanted to be part of something bigger. I wanted to hug people and celebrate that we did it. 

How awful, I thought. How selfish. My friends did something amazing and I just feel bad for myself because I wanted it. I felt shame. I could have been a part of this if I worked harder. I would have been a part of it if I hadn't relapsed. If I was a smarter person. A better person. It felt like the only thing that mattered. Genuinely a little heart breaking.

I wanted to cry and go sit alone in the cold. I didn't. I applauded my team and moved on.

It almost seems silly how big it felt in the moment. Now its almost nothing. Only a month has passed, but I don't feel as devastated.

The next day was standard medley. Rinse and repeat, but we weren't competing against anyone so we didn't get up early. I was also sick and started my period. When we practiced on the floor my legs froze up. It felt like my body went stiff. Scary.

The alternate went missing in the middle of the day. I was so done. I just wanted to sleep. It all hurt. 

But we found the girl. We danced. Not great, but fine.

I got changed. We ate. We came back and watched pro latin. (the highlight of our time in blackpool with the team)

Went to the hotel. cleaned the costumes.

AND FINALLY SLEPT.

jk we got up at 6:30 so we could leave by 7:30am